How supportive and loving. He was not ready or willing to get into a relationship with me and that was that. Re-connect to the wonderful qualities about yourself, and all the amazing things you have going on in your life.
And remember, always, that if something is meant to be it will be. No amount of trying, striving, and willing a guy to like you will work. No matter how great the make out sessions may be and how charming you are! I created a free video series to help you end dating frustration forever here.
Not sure? Try this question on for size. Once you have freed up the obsessive energy by connecting to your personal power, you can simply enjoy the beginning stages of dating. Even if you stay together for the long-term, some of that initial spark will change, so just have fun with it and be yourself.
Giving yourself distance is what you need if you want to stop obsessing over a guy. Delete him from your social accounts, choose to not hang out with him, stop texting and messaging him, and find other things that don't involve being around him. It's normal to feel a sense of loss and other negative emotions when moving on from someone you cared about, even if they didn't feel the same way.
Let yourself feel those emotions , cry them out, and then get ready to get back out there. Having emotional support when you're feeling down can help lift your spirits and take your mind off of him. Just make sure they know you don't want to talk about him, and that they're there to support you, not make you question your decision to move on. Taking care of yourself is one of the best ways to move on and overcome the negative emotions you are feeling.
Going and getting your hair and nails done, taking a new gym class, or learning something new can help you feel better about yourself and help you forget about him. Take some time and reflect on what qualities you like about the guy you're obsessing over.
This can help you understand what qualities you are attracted to, and you can look for a guy who has these same qualities. When it seems that nothing is helping you stop obsessing over a guy, it can be helpful to consider counseling. A counselor will listen to you and help you learn healthy ways of coping with and sorting through your feelings.
If traditional counseling just isn't your thing, consider online counseling. Research shows that online therapy is a useful means of addressing feelings of rejection, sadness, and other emotions related to unreciprocated love. One study addressed the effectiveness of internet-based cognitive-behavioral therapy in treating sadness and depression. Cognitive-behavioral therapy CBT is a proven counseling method that focuses on eliminating or altering negative thoughts through therapist-guided discussions, exercises, and other tools.
As mentioned above, internet-based counseling is effective in reframing unwanted emotions associated with certain relationships. Online therapy is beneficial for several reasons. Also, it is designed around your schedule. Below are some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues. People with feelings of love experience a rush of dopamine and other powerful brain chemicals.
For some people, these feelings are so powerful that they become obsessed with keeping and controlling the person they love. They may appear to worship their partner at times, but become angry or jealous at the slightest threat.
Rather than loving the person and wanting the best for them, people with obsessive tendencies may love the other person because of their own needs. Real love requires compromise and negotiation, while obsessive love demands that the object of affection submits to the demands of their partner.
Real love involves accepting the other person and acknowledging their flaws. Obsessive love may involve worship and a refusal to acknowledge any flaws. Obsessive love makes it very difficult for a person to let go.
Although breakups are usually painful and can trigger unhealthful behavior, people with feelings of obsessive love may refuse to accept that the relationship has ended. Obsessive love sometimes involves a relationship that does not actually exist, such as with a celebrity or a stranger.
There are many factors that may cause obsessive love. The sections below discuss these factors in more detail. Mental health conditions such as bipolar I disorder and schizophrenia , as well as symptoms triggered by alcohol use disorder, may cause delusions of erotomania. This is not the same thing as obsessive love, but it may be a symptom of a much more serious mental health condition.
Erotomania is a rare delusional disorder that may cause a person to believe that destiny requires a specific relationship. The person may even delude themselves into believing that a relationship that ended long ago is still loving and healthy. Erotomania can also cause a person to believe that another person loves them. Sometimes, the object of their love may even be someone that they do not know. For example, they may believe that they have a nonexistent relationship with a celebrity.
Some delusions may be so extreme that they cause the person to engage in stalking, abuse, or violent behavior. Erotomania also involves symptoms of paranoia. One case study argues that social media can make erotomania worse. This is because it allows people with obsessive tendencies to observe others from a distance, and to feel closer to them than they might otherwise feel. Learn more about erotomania here.
People with borderline personality disorder may intensely fear abandonment and have trouble managing their emotions.
For example, their emotions may appear disproportionate to the situation, and they may obsess over their relationships. Van Kirk says clients who are experiencing limerence often casually refer to their obsessions as "love sickness," the side effects of limerence can be serious and interfere with everyday life.
If you find yourself idealizing someone, experiencing intrusive thoughts, replaying every encounter with the person, or engaging in stalker-like behavior like rearranging your schedule to bump into them , you could be experiencing limerence, she says. Van Kirk says. According to Dr. Tennov's initial research , states of limerence can last for weeks or years. If limerence is experienced within a relationship, it tends to begin intensely and emotionally, but may burn out or quickly end in disaster, Dr.
Tennov wrote. In healthy relationships, neither parter is limerent. For instance, after three months, the couple may transition from sex marathons and nerve-riddled dinner conversations to calm evenings together watching Netflix in sweatpants. And this transition from new love excitement to long-term relationship stability happens naturally, she wrote.
For people experiencing limerence outside of a relationship — like, those who have a mild obsession with their cute barista or that cool DJ on Twitter — Dr. Van Kirk says that, fortunately, these obsessive feelings usually run their course.
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